Befriending the little black dog

And finding glimmers

It’s been over nine months since I took a break from writing this weekly blog. Sometimes I am blown away by the passage of time, how fast and slow it unfolds, slipping through my fingers like sand.

I’ve been feeling the pull to get back into it, but I don’t know how to begin. So much has changed within me since I hit pause. I needed time to process and integrate. And now, I am not sure how to get back into it other than to just… do it.

If you’ve been around for some time, you will remember the story that inspired this blog, about the woman in the cave who weaves the world, and the little black dog that destroys it, and her path to re-visioning her work every time it unravels.

Over the last nine months, the little black dog has made an appearance, assisting me by showing me, through sometimes painful means, what is no longer serving me, and what I must let go of in order to create the more beautiful life my soul knows is possible.

I am still deeply in my work around this, holding my threads, tenderly re-weaving and stirring the seeds of life. I am not yet sure if this is a process I want to share publicly; right now it feels too fresh and I desire to keep my energy close.

But I do know that there are things that I want to express to my community. Maturations and evolutions of my work that have been fortified through this period of deep shedding. Offerings and wisdom that have been hard-earned and informed by grace.

So that is where we will begin.

But first, a story.

Seek out mother-of-pearl

I was having a really, really hard time. The kind of hard time that makes you feel like you have nothing left, like you have tapped every resource you have, like you are out of options.

The last time I felt this desperate and hopeless was when my dad was dying, and I was enduring some major, major ego deaths.

And then one morning, in that juicy space between sleeping and waking, I received the specific instruction to “seek out mother of pearl.” I remember thinking, Hmmm. That’s weird. I’ve literally never thought about mother-of-pearl in my life. I sloppily wrote down the instruction and fell back asleep.

Later that day, my partner Chris and I were roaming the farmers market. I had the thought, I wonder if I’ll find mother-of-pearl here today. Almost immediately I was drawn to a tent on the corner, and wandered over.

As I entered the jewelry vendor’s booth, I immediately noticed a lot of pearl jewelry. The maker welcomed me and asked if I was looking for anything specific. I told her that I got an intuitive ping to seek out mother-of-pearl, but that I actually didn’t really know anything about it, including the difference between pearl and mother-of-pearl. She responded, “Well you came to the right place, because mother-of-pearl is my favorite material to work with!”

I had immediate shivers run down my spine. As she shared her knowledge with me, I remember thinking, Okay Universe, this is pretty cool and kind of weird, but why would you have me seek this out?

After chatting for a bit and appreciating her jewelry, trinkets, and buttons, I felt like it was time to move on. I thanked her and asked her what her name was, and she responded, “I’m Emily.” At this point my body was fully trembling. This clearly felt significant but I still had no idea why.

As we walked around the market, I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and the buttons she had. I was in deep wonder about what this was all about. I decided to go back to buy a button, and perhaps the meaning would come later.

As I returned, she greeted me again, and I told her that I couldn’t stop thinking about the buttons.

She replied, “Buttons are like mothers, they keep us held together.” Tears immediately welled in my eyes, my throat constricting, my chest quivering. I told her, “I could use some help holding myself together right now.” She came around from behind her table and gave me a hug, gave me her card, and told me she would be thinking of me.

As I walked through the market the rest of that morning, I was moved to tears repeatedly. During this period of deep desperation and hopelessness, all I craved was to be held in the lap of the Great Mother while she stroked my forehead and told me it was going to be okay. I was longing to be comforted and re-assured.

And through this beautifully orchestrated moment, the Universe showed me grace. The Great Mother found me through a jewelry maker named Emily, giving me a kiss on the forehead, reminding me that I am not alone through this crucible moment in my life.

I felt such deep love and gratitude, and it opened me up, allowing me to receive the divine love and guidance from Source, giving me the strength to endure the painful process I was in.

And now, whenever I feel desperate, alone, and hopeless, I pull out my button, send a prayer to Emily, and feel the love and grace from that moment all over again.

Finding glimmers

This experience reminded me that even when the little black dog tears everything to shreds, there is still a divine, implicit order to the Universe that longs for me to feel the love of the Great Mother, and these messages come from the most unexpected places.

May you find your glimmers when your tapestry falls apart.

May all beings everywhere feel the love and grace of the Universe, especially when they’re feeling at their lowest.

I’ll see you next week.

Soulful blessings,

Emily