Let yourself die in order to fully live pt. 1
An ode to initiations, rites of passage, and menstruality as a spiritual development practice
As I type this, I am on day 20 of my cycle. I have learned over the years in my menstrual cycle awareness practice that day 19 is usually very hard for me. The highs of Inner Summer seem to disappear in an instant, and the crossover to Inner Autumn feels like all the wind is drained from my sails.
Yesterday was right on cue. I woke up still feeling the warmth of Summer and felt inspired to finish up some things after I got off my shift at the coffee shop later that day.
And then, about half-way through my morning, I felt the downshift. It’s a very obvious sensation for me at this point, although it definitely has not always been that way.
I was standing behind the bar mixing a mocha when I suddenly felt a wave of downward sensation starting at my shoulders. It literally felt like my life force drained out of my feet. A huge exhale in my body.
I felt myself dissociate a bit while mixing the mocha on my bar; my eyes blurred and unfocused, sound disappeared for a moment, and I felt numb in my hands.
“Nooooooo!” I thought. “There’s still so much left to do! I can’t pull back right now!”
This is very typical for my Inner Summer to Inner Autumn crossover. I usually resist it to some degree because I am still deeply conditioned to favor the rising energy of Spring and Summer over the downward energy of Autumn and Winter. The change in momentum comes with loads of fear over not having enough time to finish projects and the grief of time not-well-spent.
I think many of us are like this; they don’t call it seasonal depression for nothing.
I knew this was coming, and it still took me out emotionally. I cleared my calendar, and gave myself permission to draw way, way back on my plans for the rest of the day.
Yes, there was so much to do. Yes, it was a holiday. Yes, the sun was out and it was beautiful outside.
I felt all the tension of the “shoulds” and I still gave myself permission to say no to social invitations and work. Instead I watched movies for the rest of the day, alone.
I felt the wave of shame crash over me as I faced the litany of productivity programming pummel me with criticisms about not doing enough to deserve this break.
And still, I rested. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t Instagrammable. But it was real.
And today feels different because of it. Yes, my Autumnal energy is drastically different from Spring and Summer energy, and the crossover almost always drags me through the mud.
But over the years I have truly grown to love this season of my cycle. I am more grounded, more discerning, more intuitive, more penetrating with my observations and my words, more critically aware, more integral, more embodied. Actually, so many of the qualities that I love about myself, I have honed through embracing my Inner Autumn.
In my years of cycle tracking I have grown to appreciate how vital this phase of my cycle is for my psychological and spiritual evolution, a critical component of my initiation.
So this week and next I want to share a bit more about rites of passage, initiation, the mythic ‘descent to the underworld’, and how the menstrual cycle can be the container for all of that.
A culture devoid of initiation rites and support
If you’ve been around for some time, you have likely heard me lamenting about how our culture fails to support us in becoming psychologically mature, initiated adults.
In case it isn’t obvious, this is what my heart most longs to see happen in my lifetime, and a major part of my life’s work.
To borrow a framework from a beloved teacher, Ken Wilber, I want to help people:
Wake up to the immense beauty and divine goodness of life itself, and our opportunity to co-create our futures;
Grow up psychologically and develop healthy, mature ego structures that holistically support our life, leadership and relationships;
Clean up our traumas, emotional wounding and shadows through intentional somatic healing and integration work; and
Show up with a clear vision and grounded action to create outcomes that benefit all beings and the planet.
I have been obsessively studying rites of passage, initiation rites, and the mythic ‘descent to the underworld’ for the last six years, and I have tried many of them.
See below for a list of resources and teachers that have helped guided me in this space.
In 2020 I was a part of a Purpose Discovery program where I spent eight weeks preparing for a wilderness fasting quest, engaging in the quest, and processing, integrating and embodying the wisdom I got from the experience for an additional four weeks.
It was extremely valuable and I cherished that time.
And, I still felt like there was something very personal missing. In all of my research, the rites we were going through and learning about were historically used for young men in indigenous and nature-based cultures. What was there for the rest of us, especially young girls? How did our menstrual cycle affect our experience of the quest? Surely we weren’t to expect that our cycles had no effect on the initiatory process, right?
Myself and a few other women in this program posed this question to our (male) teacher, and we were unfortunately met with a sneaky form of spiritual gaslighting. Our teacher told us that our questions were just resistance to the process that showed we still had more work to do (insert eye roll) in order to be ready for a soul-encounter on our quest. That’s a story for another time, though.
The point of me sharing this is that my question went unanswered. If the wilderness fasts and extreme measures of testing mental toughness were traditionally intended for young men, what was our (women and people with menstrual cycles) equivalent?
I found my answer when I discovered menstrual cycle mindfulness as a spiritual practice.
But first, a primer on what these processes are about for us as humans.
Initiations, rites of passage and the mythic descent to the underworld
Initiations, rites of passage, and descents to the underworld are significant concepts found in various spiritual and cultural traditions worldwide. These practices often involve symbolic journeys or transformative experiences that mark a transition from one stage of life to another, such as childhood to adulthood or life to death.
Here's a summary of the distinctions between theses commonly synonymous terms.
Initiations
Initiations are ceremonies or rituals that mark the beginning of a new phase or status within a community or belief system. They are intended to facilitate personal growth, transformation, and spiritual development. Initiations often involve tests, trials, or challenges that the individual must overcome to demonstrate their readiness for the new role or level of understanding. The process typically includes teachings, guidance from mentors, and the acquisition of specialized knowledge.
Rites of Passage
Rites of passage are rituals or ceremonies that symbolize and facilitate a significant transition or milestone in an individual's life. These transitions can include birth, coming of age, marriage, or death. Rites of passage often involve a series of stages, including separation from the old identity, a period of liminality or transition, and reintegration into society with a new status or role. These rituals aim to support personal and spiritual growth, facilitate community cohesion, and provide a sense of identity and purpose.
Descents to the Underworld
Descents to the underworld are mythological or symbolic journeys into the realm of the dead or the unconscious. These journeys represent a profound spiritual exploration or transformation, where the individual confronts their deepest fears, shadows, or hidden aspects of themselves. Descents to the underworld often involve encounters with mythological figures, symbolic challenges, and the acquisition of wisdom or spiritual insight. These journeys can be seen as a metaphorical death and rebirth, leading to personal growth and spiritual enlightenment.
From a spiritual perspective, initiations, rites of passage, and descents to the underworld are seen as transformative experiences that bring individuals closer to their true selves, higher consciousness, or divine realms. They provide opportunities for self-discovery, healing, and the integration of personal and collective wisdom. These practices help individuals navigate life transitions, gain spiritual and psychological maturity, and deepen their connection with the sacred and the mysteries of existence.
It's important to note that specific beliefs, rituals, and interpretations may vary across different spiritual traditions and cultures. The above summary provides a general understanding of these concepts from a spiritual perspective.
As you might imagine, it’s very possible that all three of these processes can be happening at once.
And if you are a person with a menstrual cycle, you have the amazing opportunity to experience this every month.
Let me know what you think about this post by commenting below!
Make sure you check back next week to learn how.
Teachers and resources for initiations, rites of passage, and the descent to the underworld
Bill Plotkin
Animus Valley Institute hosts wilderness based vision quests and rites of passage.
Book: Nature and the Human Psyche: Cultivating Wholeness and Community in a Fragmented World
Book: Wild Mind: A Field Guide to the Human Psyche
Book: Soulcraft: Crossing Into the Mysteries of Nature and Psyche
Book: Journey of Soul Initiation: A Field Guide for Visionaries, Evolutionaries, and Revolutionaries
Michael Meade
Book: The Genius Myth
Book: Awakening the Soul: A Deep Response to a Troubled World
Podcast: Thresholds of Initiation
Mosaic Genius Project proposes that each person enters the world with unique gifts and a life purpose waiting to be discovered. Each young person needs to learn that they have intrinsic value; for genius is born, not made.
Bayo Akomolafe
Book: These Wilds Beyond Our Fences: Letters to My Daughter On Humanity’s Search for Home
The School of Lost Borders, Stephen Foster and Meredith Little
The SOLB provides nature based initiation ceremonies and programs that support profound transformations individually and collectively.
I recommend perusing their Press page and allow yourself to be drawn to a title. The SOLB has been providing these crucial services for over 40 years and they have a wealth of knowledge to share.
I think those are enough resources for now. I suggest you bookmark this post so you can come back to it over and over again if you feel as strong a pull to this work as I do.
I am still very much involved in my psychological maturation and initiatory process myself, and I absolutely love talking to other people who are committed to this path. Please reach out if you have any questions or wish to chat.
May our courageous work to wake up, grow up, clean up and show up serve all beings and the planet.
Soulful blessings,
Emily
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